theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
