Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
