So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
