so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
no, he came in my armpit
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Randomize
