You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
