just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
