Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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