I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Randomize
