Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
