I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Randomize
