capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Someone came in the potted fern
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
