Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Randomize