dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
