what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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