is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
