Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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