forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize