I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Randomize
