Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
