My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
