I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
