walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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