'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Randomize
