Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
