My friends, they love my intelligence
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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