Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
