i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
