My underwear smells like fireworks.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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