New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
