He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I don't deserve a penis
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
