I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
