taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
