wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Randomize