3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
