a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
