I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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