I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
