My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
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