He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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