Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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