well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
