I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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