we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
