I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
