I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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