I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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