We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize