If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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