So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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