Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Randomize
