and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize