I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
