nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize