I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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