he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
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