You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
