laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
