i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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