Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
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