i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
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