Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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