couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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