My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
