non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
