Your face is a jimmy john
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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