New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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