I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
