I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
