Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
