8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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