Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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