have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
