Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize