Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
