you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
