The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
