Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
