I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Randomize
