Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
