I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
