My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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