Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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