...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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