Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
