Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Randomize
