Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
