K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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