Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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