Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
you are never too drunk for berry picking
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Randomize
