I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
