she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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