Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
