Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
