I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Randomize
