You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
