Where is the hickey?
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
