Ambien. No doubt about it.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Randomize
