Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I can't turn off my feet"
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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