Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
