If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize